Where Has My Baby Gone?



My darling baby,

Knowing you are my last baby, I have tried to be especially mindful of every day with you. I have tried to embrace the newborn stage through the fatigue and postpartum battles. Yet even with all my attempts to pause moments and etch them in my mind, this year has flown by in a blink. Today you are one and the door to toddler is creaking open.

The journey to get to know you so far has been joy itself. You were a watchful baby, taking everything in, noting each behaviour and pattern. You were born in a heat wave and into the chaos that is a 2 and 4 year old sibling. You were content – what people call “a good baby”. As you watched the world, we in turn watched you and were thankful for every coo, every smile, and, especially, any and every good sleep!

As soon as you could move, watchful took a back seat and “in the thick of it” took over. We were moving house so there were boxes and empty cupboards to explore and, oh heavens, you did! As soon as you could roll over, you rolled across the room. As soon as you could army pull yourself along, off you went. As soon as you could pull yourself up, you were stretching to pull up higher or to dig down deep into whatever you could reach. All those actions you previously calmly watched, you were now trying to put into practice.

Now you are standing and squatting and couch surfing every waking moment. You squawk to be up on the couch with the big two or to be outside with them playing at the water table. You make your way into their forts and chase after their lego creations. “Make way for me, I am coming too.  I am not going to be left behind!” you seem to say.

And when you have finally worn yourself out, you want to be held.  You are not a baby who sits calmly and cuddles though, you still want to be moving. So either daddy carries you or I put on the ergo and wear you.  These ergo moments when you cuddle close to my heart are some of the moments I most try to etch in my mind. Trying to remember every detail of the dimples on your hand, how soft your skin is, and the exact feel of the warm weight of my wee one who won’t be so little much longer.

You are go-go-go (in the great tradition of your siblings) and attempt to tackle the world in leaps. I am thankful your siblings will be there to boost you up and cushion your falls because I don’t see you being fazed by any obstacle in your path. Already you just power through or bellow at anything that tries to hold you back.

Though I wish I could be more original, in truth, my wishes for you are the same as those I have for the other two.  I wish that you find happiness in your life by not seeing obstacles but by seeing opportunities and by embracing those opportunities.  I wish you good health and that you are strong, in body and in will.  And above all know, I wish for you to never doubt that home and family will always be here for you, no matter what.

We love you, our sweet M. xo


At least I attempted…obviously cake decoration is not my forte!


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