Cranniversary Surprise

It’s been a while since I posted but this past week held an event that brought back a lot of feelings that inspired me to blog in the first place. I felt the need to post again.

Thursday was my 7 year cranniversary (that’s the cute term for the anniversary of your brain surgery on the brain tumour support Facebook groups I belong to). Ironically, the evening before my cranniversary, I was out for a run when I was hit by a delivery van. Thankfully, although very sore and a bit scratched up, I have no broken bones and needed no stitches. I do, however, have a concussion.

It has brought back some difficult post brain surgery memories of the healing after and how, even to oneself, it is very difficult to understand you are not well without having a physical injury to point to. A brain injury is very interesting thing to try to wrap your mind around.

If you are like I was and have never had a concussion before, I’ll share some of the symptoms and hope they are enlightening (while also hoping they don’t sound like a litany of complaints):

The spins. Moving my head too quickly causes the world to need a moment to catch up to my eyes. Movement continues even when my eyes are closed. Remember when you were a kid and went on one too many roller coaster rides? That’s what it feels like when I close my eyes.

Bright lights. I’ve never noticed how strong my kitchen lights are, for example. I want to wear sunglasses in my house! Even writing these notes has taken several sessions because, though set on a dark setting, the light from the screen is so fatiguing.

Carbs are brain food. I’ve been advised to eat carbs as they supposedly help heal the brain. Sounds great to me, I’ve been enjoying tortellini and grilled cheese sandwiches for every meal. The down side is that every time I eat, I have post meal nausea.

The above are all symptoms that are different from healing from brain surgery as far as I remember. But here are some commonalities I have noticed:

Lethargy, It takes an awful lot of energy to get motivated to do anything. I find myself zoning out on the couch which is something I normally never do. It’s simply that I don’t currently want to do anything. For me that is a very rare statement. I am a multi-tasker to the core. It is driving me crazy that a morning will have passed, for example, and I will have not done anything in it.

Word loss. I’ve been searching for words more than usual. “You know, the thing” has made an ugly recurrence. I can visualize what I want to say but I can’t necessarily find the name for it immediately.

Fatigue. I had a three hour nap this morning. It isn’t even dinner and I could have another. You’d think I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night then but evenings are the worst for body aches and by bed time, I am happy to be crawling back in to bed.

Feeling overwhelmed. It reminds me of my first day back home after my brain surgery. My husband had to work so a friend was coming over to keep me company. My eldest was only 8 or 9 weeks old and we were behind on laundry so I was trying to get it started and clean up a bit. By the time my friend arrived (only an hour or two after my husband had left), I was a sobbing mess who was overheating and hadn’t even realized I needed to take off my sweater or answer the buzzer. It was too much too soon.

Shock. I was HIT BY A VAN. Whaaaat?! In many ways, it’s almost comical to think that it actually happened. Saying I had a brain tumour/surgery still holds the same impact too. “You had what?” is the most common response. Even in my own head, it is something I am struggling to grasp. A van literally hit me and I actually remember bouncing off it. Or that a doctor cut and removed a circle of my skull, like a plug, to access the tumour which he then plucked out of my brain – he actually touched my brain.

In summary, it’s been a surreal last couple of days where the biggest things I’m remembering are to be gentle with myself, that life is precious, and that just because a wound is not visible, doesn’t mean its impact is unfelt.

(Image from: https://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photography-brain-image2569107)

The Creative Life Project: May

Birds cards done by the kids. I gave them a bare bones picture to guide them after complaints of “I want to paint a bird but I don’t know how to make one”. They added the rainbow colouring all on their own. The top two are C’s and the bottom one Q’s.

Drawing Days in May

This month I’m going to keep it realistic and plan to work on catching up with some illustrations in the kids’ baby books. Each month (ideally), I write an entry into their books and add little decorations to make it fun. However, in the time crunch of life that has been the last year especially, I’ve fallen behind on the illustrations and yet they are my favourite part to think up and to do. So this month, I’m aiming to play – even if just in this little way.

Monthly goals:
Remember birthdays.
Write in the kids’ baby books. 1 page monthly update page for each child.

Daily/weekly goals:
Do one creative thing daily. Minimum of 15 minutes drawing, writing, experimenting.
Draw at least two illustrations in the baby books a week. This is a low goal but probably most realistic:)
Get at least 7 hours of sleep a night.
Exercise three times a week.

The Creative Life: April Review

An art journal page from when I last played with paint in March.

The start of 2017 has held a doozy few months to date. They’ve been work focused toward a specific goal which was worthwhile (and thankfully ended in results I was aiming for) and resulted in a learning curve that is still on-going. I haven’t played as much as I’ve wanted lately. In fact, most of the time, I’ve been too tired to play at all.

I’m working on figuring out the balance but it’s proving to be quite the struggle. I fantasize about playing loud music and letting loose. I want to lose myself to everything but the paint, to be honest. Realistically I think that’ll have to hold off until summer.

As for goals, I have kept up with the birthdays (yes, often late but sent out just the same). I have knitted some and written some.  My body’s been pretty much insisting on the minimum of 7 hours sleep – it’s been exhausting lately, truth be told. Workouts have gone flying out the window. I’ve been MAYBE working out once a week. Although I have been going for walks and bike rides with the kids whenever we’ve been graced with sunshine (or just no rain), they haven’t been strenuous.

My focus has been on work and the kids and, although those are very important aspects of my life, I have felt a little lost in the mix. Something to work on.

This balance thing is very tricky.

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One total aside: Happy Birthday Gramma. I miss you. xo

Creative Kids: Taped Cards

Our cards this month were inspired by a link a friend sent me, I think it was off Pinterest but I’ve searched for half an hour and can’t find the original link. Search: “tape art kids” on Pinterest and a whole bunch of options will come up. We did our tape art as cards, of course.

The one thing to be mindful of if making taped cards is not to push the tape down too hard. There may be slight seeping under the tape but if it is pushed down too much, the tape can be tricky to peel off. Catch 22.

This was an easy art project for all of them to access at their own levels. C was more careful with the paint, Q a bit more free, and M just smeared paint all over in her fashion. All three styles and access levels resulted in great cards.

Of course, I hate wasting supplies and so have them use every drop of paint until it is gone. These are the “bonus” cards done with remaining paint.  C did blotches of paint and handprints and then folded for symmetrical designs (top R and bottom L). Q painted and then drove cars all over her card for texture (top L), and M finger painted (bottom R).

Creative Capers Creation I

Here’s my first creation. I’ve actually got a couple others in progress but just have been too busy to post. The colours of this piece were inspired by a social emotional retreat I attended.  I also took creative inspiration from the following quote:

“She is clothed with strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future.” (Proverbs 3:25)

Power of Now Reflections and February Review

Zen sketch I am currently working on.  A little too realistic but I’m having fun with it.

Power of Now Reflections

For some reason, I feel great resistance while reading The Power of Now. His focus on living with constant “deep trouble” and “sadness” doesn’t resinate with me. However, my flat resistance to the book isn’t helping me access the underlying message so I’ve decided to instead focus on what he says that does resinate.

I know what he means when he talks of trees being more vivid in colour when you allow yourself to fully embrace their beauty. I never thought about it as being “fully in the now” but I can go with that frame of reference. For me, there are days the sky is so beautiful or a drop of rain on a leaf so enchanting my heart feels it might burst. And I love looking for colour within colour. I think of it as “artist training” but it’s when you look at a tree, for example, and see other colours within its browns and greens – such as purple in shadow or blue on the underside of a branch.

I especially appreciate his message about the importance of focusing on the current moment and being very present. This is something I have been trying to keep in the forefront of my mind lately especially when interacting with my kids. The message of being in the now here resonates with one of my favourite quotes by Gretchen Rubin: “The days are long but the years are short.”

There are days I feel I may lose my sanity in diapers, laundry, and sibling rivalry, but then I try to switch focus.  I focus on the little hand I am holding or the chubby arms thrown around my neck or the high pitched voice telling me all about his or her dreams. And in embracing that moment, the colours in the world do actually amp up a little and I try to train my brain to remember this interaction because this is what matters.  This is the Power of Now (for me).

***

As for my February goals, I didn’t paint as much as I would have liked this month but I do feel I was successful in being more mindful. I am especially proud in my efforts to be more mindful in my interactions with my kids. Life can get so busy that somedays I can let myself get wrapped up in the busyness and forget what is actually most worthy of my time. The Zen painting I did manage to do was very fun. I still have some projects in mind to complete with this technique.

Monthly goals:
Write in the kids’ baby books. -done
Remember birthdays. -done
Read The Power of Now. -most complete so far:)

Daily/weekly goals:
Do one creative thing daily. -only about 50% successful this month
Go at least seven hours of sleep a night. -mostly successful:)
Exercise three times a week. -only about 50% successful

The Creative Life Project: March

 

January and February were a bit of a doozy of a couple of months. They were work focused toward a specific goal which was worthwhile (and thankfully ended in results I was aiming for) but this month, I need to make more room for fun. I want to play with paint. I want to play with ideas. I want to play loud music and let loose. I want to lose myself to everything but the paint for a guaranteed couple of hours a week. This is my plan for March.

Monthly goals:
Write in the kids’ baby books. 1 page monthly update for each child.
Remember birthdays.

Daily/weekly goals:
Do one creative thing daily. Minimum of 15 minutes drawing, writing, experimenting with a mixed media focus for the month.
Paint. The aim here is to paint for a minimum of two hours once a week for the duration of this month.
Get at least 7 hours of sleep a night.
Exercise three times a week.

The Creative Life Project: February

 

Mindfulness is something I am still striving to increase in my life. One thing I am doing toward this goal is focusing on really being present when I am with my kids and finding time each day to meaningfully connect with each one individually. On a personal level, I find painting can be meditative and mindful. This month I will work on my Zen paintings (from an on-line course I took last year) in order to focus more on this style of painting in my daily practice.

Monthly goals:
Write in the kids’ baby books. 1 page monthly update for each child.
Remember birthdays.
Read The Power of Now. This may become a yearly repeated attempt… Who knows, maybe it will resonate with me one of these years. Everyone I talks to says how much they love it. Maybe this year’s read will be the one where I “get it”.

Daily/weekly goals:
Do one creative thing daily. Minimum of 15 minutes drawing, writing, experimenting, working Zen painting style.
Get at least 7 hours of sleep each night.  I already know that until February 7th this will be unrealistic for me but after that I am really going to try to make it happen!
Exercise three times a week.

The Creative Life Project: January Review

Balance Book Brainstorming Pages

January Review: Preparation, Organization, and Creativity Jump Start

This month’s goals were aimed to enhance my creative space and time.

Monthly goals:
Write in the kids’ baby books. My poor baby books are sorely out of date. But hopefully by including them as part of my month goals, it will keep me mindful of updating them. Month 1: check!
Remember birthdays. Check!
Prepare a plan for a creative year. I set up my plan for The Creative Life Project 2017. The goals are simpler than last year and involve more repetition but I think this will make it more do-able along side working full time. So check!
Make a space that is easy to create in. I reorganized both art caddies (mine and the kids’). They look so awesome now. We’ll see how long it lasts:) Check and check!
Make a life that is easy to create in. Didn’t get to this as much as I had hoped. I’m finding making time to clean and clean up a bit of a struggle. It’s the first thing to get dropped if time is limited (and when isn’t it? Lol!)
Organize plans in lists and keep them all in one place. I’m loving my balance brainstorming book. It’s kind of like a notebook, a sketch-book, and a mini-scrapbook in one. It’s not complete yet but I like that it still has room for additions.

Daily/weekly goals:
Do one creative thing daily. I maintained this pretty well this past month. Some days my creative activity was just knitting for ten minutes before bed or while snuggling with the kids but maybe that’ll mean C’s blanket (that I started for him BEFORE HE WAS BORN) will actually get done this year!
Get at least 7 hours of sleep a night. Mostly it’s been 6 – hardly a surprise.  Definitely something to work on though.
Exercise three times a week. Mostly achieved. Mind you I also probably ate my weight in chocolate but that’s the reality of balance for me:)

Other Balance Book Pages: painting, Affirmations, Quotes, Decorations

Creative Life Project: January

One of my fave pics I’ve painted and one of J’s least favourites.  Art is so subjective:)  It makes me feel calm.  I think that’s what I enjoy about it.

So far this balance thing has been interesting and hard to be honest.  I am extremely busy and yet also feeling extremely fulfilled – though there aren’t enough hours in the day.  One thing I am still trying to figure out is where down time fits into my life.  Is creative time my down time or is that its own space?  Not sure on that yet.

Just today I realized I never posted my January aims for The Creative Life Project 2017 (though I have been working on them – honest!).  So without further ado, here they are:

January: Preparation, Organization, and Creativity Jump Start

This month’s goals will help me enhance my creative space and time.  As well, they are to help me prepare the makings for a creative year.

Monthly goals:
Write in the kids’ baby books. Monthly update page for each kid. Include any milestones reached over the month, personality quirks, current passions/interests, and any cute quotes I can remember. I plan to continue this goal monthly.

Remember birthdays. I will continue to have my kids make cards to send out. I really liked the connection this goal fostered with extended family and the purpose it gave to some art endeavours with the kids.

Prepare a plan for a creative year. Break my goals down into month chunks to focus on different things and to start fresh each month. Even if some months are write offs, the next month will begin and I can feel invigorated to start anew.

Make a space that is easy to create in. Reorganize my art caddy and workspace. Again, if if it is easy to pull out creative supplies, I will be able to do art/write even in small amounts of time.

Make a life that is easy to create in. Clear out clutter. I find clutter distracting so it will help if it is minimized. How does clutter accumulate so quickly and where the heck to put it all?

Organize plans in lists and keep them all in one place. I have been in the process of creating a balance brainstorming book. I’ll keep a list of inspiration ideas for those days I’m not feeling so organically creative. Again, I will also list interests for future research, words I like, etc (ever the word geek:) These lists will be added to as ideas come up throughout the year.

Daily/weekly goals:
Do one creative thing daily. This idea is borrowed in part from The Happiness Project. A woman in the book said she did one thing toward her goal daily. One small thing a day is manageable and even if I only keep this goal half the time, I would maintain my creative engagement. This goal is going to continue each month for the year.

Get at least 7 hours of sleep a night. Once the kids are down, I’m so happy to have quiet me time that I often stay up later than I should. I pay for it in focus ability the next day.

Exercise three times a week. Easier said than done. Kind of like the 7 hours of sleep goal…  What can I say?  I’m ever optimistic!